Monday, July 14, 2008

His time... not mine

I really didn't feel like working last night, so I promptly accepted when they called asking if I wanted to be on-call. We ended up going out to dinner with the kids to Islands- our fav kid-friendly restaurant. At about 7:45 I got a phone call, while browsing through Linens-N-Things, from my work saying they needed me to come in. Of course. It was too good to be true. We rushed home, I quickly fed Blake, got dressed & arrived at work just before 9 pm. I was definitely bummed to be there. I started my shift by admitting a patient to be induced. Nothing special. Pitocin, epidural, wait. Then we had another patient come in. Contractions- whatever. No doctor- whatever. Looking for baby's heartbeat. Looking for baby's heartbeat. Nothing.

This is pretty much the worst side to my job. After a sequence of events, I ended up volunteering to take care of this poor woman, probably safe to say on the worst day of her life. As I sat there listening to her sobs, I couldn't help but think how I really didn't want to be there not too much earlier. Then I came to realize, this was why I was here. My heart really went out to this stranger. All I could do was listen to her. All I could think of was I couldn't imagine what she was feeling at that moment. All I could say was "I'm so sorry" and "It's not your fault".

When I came home this morning, to my three healthy and beautiful children, I promised myself that I would try not to control my life too much. You never know what's going to happen. That lady had no clue what was going to happen. She was just as happy as I was, probably sitting with her family having dinner, getting ready for a huge change in her life.

We all have those things we are expecting to change our lives. Good or bad, I will try to leave it to Him and be grateful for what I have now. After all, it's in His time... not mine.


lisajem said...

hey hun!! i finally got to read all your posts. I love you doing a blog.

this post however totally got to me. it is why you were there, while you could not understand what she was going through, your caring love and touch is exactly what she needed. someone to listen to her sobs.

love you, see you soon!!

micksmom28 said...

That is the unfortunate reality of our job. God knows where we need to be at that very moment, but it is not always easy. Just know that you were a very important part of that night for her. She needed you for your love and support. It is the greatest feeling when you get to come home and kiss your babies in the morning!

Andrea said...

My oldest friend had that happen to her in 2003 and it was devastating. I think it takes a lot of courage to be the one to be there for someone who has heard the worst news a mom could possibly hear.

Anonymous said...

Oh Aly, what a story. You are definitely an ANGEL whom God has sent to all of us. You may not realize how touched this woman was to have had you there to guide her during her darkest moment. But she will remember you thru her life. You make me so proud. I do believe you were put here for a purpose as we all have been, but your specialness is heavensent.
Hugs and kisses to you and Matt and the babies.

Sandra said...

Having been there myself, my heart goes out to you, as well as the patient. I'm sure, just as I do, you absorb their pain, not knowing how they feel, but just as imagining. But yes, ti put's your own life into perspective. God has blessed you! Not only with those three beautiful children, but with the gifts you share with others. I'm also very proud of you.
Auntie Sandy

Anonymous said...

Amen Sister. God puts us places we don't want to be sometime, and that's when we realize it is not our agenda we need to carry out, but His. Love you. Great to see you yesterday!!!

Love, Mo