I really didn't feel like working last night, so I promptly accepted when they called asking if I wanted to be on-call. We ended up going out to dinner with the kids to Islands- our fav kid-friendly restaurant. At about 7:45 I got a phone call, while browsing through Linens-N-Things, from my work saying they needed me to come in. Of course. It was too good to be true. We rushed home, I quickly fed Blake, got dressed & arrived at work just before 9 pm. I was definitely bummed to be there. I started my shift by admitting a patient to be induced. Nothing special. Pitocin, epidural, wait. Then we had another patient come in. Contractions- whatever. No doctor- whatever. Looking for baby's heartbeat. Looking for baby's heartbeat. Nothing.
This is pretty much the worst side to my job. After a sequence of events, I ended up volunteering to take care of this poor woman, probably safe to say on the worst day of her life. As I sat there listening to her sobs, I couldn't help but think how I really didn't want to be there not too much earlier. Then I came to realize, this was why I was here. My heart really went out to this stranger. All I could do was listen to her. All I could think of was I couldn't imagine what she was feeling at that moment. All I could say was "I'm so sorry" and "It's not your fault".
When I came home this morning, to my three healthy and beautiful children, I promised myself that I would try not to control my life too much. You never know what's going to happen. That lady had no clue what was going to happen. She was just as happy as I was, probably sitting with her family having dinner, getting ready for a huge change in her life.
We all have those things we are expecting to change our lives. Good or bad, I will try to leave it to Him and be grateful for what I have now. After all, it's in His time... not mine.