holiday bliss

So we've officially entered the holidays. Yay. Am I the only one underwhelmed by it all this year? It always turns August to Thanksgiving all too quickly these days. The sunny 80 degree weather doesn't help (I know, poor things....), and Costco. 

Seriously, Costco with their joyful Christmas decor and gifts at the ripe October 1st.  

All that to say, I'm not ready. But really, when am I ever ready? I'm not ready to be married... I'm not ready to have kids... I'm not ready to have a 4th kid.... On and on. 

It's December 2nd and I'm just now reflecting on what a hard year it's been for us. I'm one of those people who, I like to think, is pretty positive. I like my glass half full.  My husband would call me a dreamer.  And while all the time keeping my chin up, it kinda comes crashing down on me when in reality things aren't truly on the up and up. 

One of my most favorite people on the planet, my Grandma, went to live with our Maker in March. We're renting (in hopes of buying again in the ridiculous market of SoCal) for the 3rd year, with no end in sight. I've thrown our curriculum out the window and decided to "wing it" to benefit our outside-the-box kids' learning styles. Things are great!!!

What I've learned (and keep learning) is, we're just never ready. So this year I'm lying and resting in hope. The hope of Him wiping away my tears, taking me under His wing and feeding and nurturing my soul.... The hope of this not being our final resting place, but living in eternity with Him and our loved ones we've lost... The hope of not being perfect, but choosing His perfect peace and refuge... This season I choose Hope.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."   2 Corinthians 4:16-18

With thankfulness in my heart, on the other hand... We had a houseful and an awesome time celebrating thankfulness this year! Hubby worked, so it's always fun visiting his station and indulging in Firehouse cooking. ;)  Hopeful and thankful- for full bellies, healthy bodies, faithful family and friends, shelter, and love in our home. 

new beginnings... again

I swear I tell myself that I'm going to sit down and blog, and keep track of these memories that keep our lives so incredibly.... well crazy. So is it really a surprise when I don't? Umm, no. But I keep telling myself that I want to remember. Remember what I was feeling that time when my kids were driving me crazy, and I didn't think I could handle another day, and the dog smells really bad, and I haven't showered in 3 (or is it 4?) days. Why?? Because someday I'm going to miss it. Yes I want to remember, for that day when I do miss it. 

I'm learning more about grace every day. The real kind. Not just the say-at-dinner time kind. Like the forgive-and-forget- because-I love-you-so-much kind. The kind God shows me every day when I wake up to His new day. With a renewed and refreshed spirit that could only be from Him. 

So here goes. I want to keep myself accountable this time. I'm going to write. Not my favorite thing, I admit, but I want to do it. And maybe somewhere untwined in these words, I'll find those glimpses of grace that have been given to me. And you. So cheers- to new beginnings.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9